Quality Time with Quinn

The Girl is on a roll.

On the way home from school today, I hear from the backseat: “I want to get home to get back to ‘Skyrim’ so that I can smack people!”

Come again?

“I need to go back and smack those people from yesterday.  I started smacking one of them because he kept telling me to lick his father’s boots and I said I would NOT lick his father’s boots, and then I punched him in the back and he cowered in the corner and said ‘please don’t hit me!’  And that was just the boy!”

Oh, God – there’s more?

“Then the girl said something about licking her father’s boots [aside: WTF is up with all the boot licking??] and that I better be a better servant than the last one because the last one was awful and her sweet roll just wasn’t sweet enough.  So, I punched her, too.”

Oh, no, wait – there’s more!

“Then I got into a scuffle and the entire kingdom came after me!  I used my fists – they had swords and daggers and such!  Needless to say, I died several times.  It’s so awesome!”

I’m fairly certain that a decent parent would worry about this.  Not the game, per se, but that their daughter was getting such immense enjoyment from smacking and punching people.  I guess the silver lining is that all of these people are virtual.

Yeah, that’s much better.

by Jenny Posted on April 22, 2013
Posted in From the Backseat, Quality Time with Quinn, Quoth My Progeny | Leave a comment

The Sorority Rant heard ’round the world

So, last week was interesting.  Of course there was the Boston Marathon and the tragedy that ensued, as well as the manhunt of the two suspects which finally ended late Friday night.  Naturally, this garnered a lot of media attention, which it absolutely deserved and most folks were using the Google machine to follow the developments on that.

You may have missed this little nugget.  Deadspin.com posted a letter from a sorority girl at the University of Maryland to her sisters.  Suffice it to say, this was not a friendly, sisterly letter.  Rather, it was a scathing tirade tearing down just about every girl in her chapter.

It was beautiful.

Here’s the link:  http://deadspin.com/we-fucking-suck-so-far-a-sorority-girl-lashes-out-at-476159462 .

However, because I’m certain that Delta Gamma will take it down from every site they can find it on, I’ve also pasted it here for your enjoyment.

WARNING:  This is very graphic and the profanity is extreme.  This sister went pro with her swearing.  (I’m actually kind of proud)

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee [first name redacted], I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

“But [first name redacted]!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

“Ohhh, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

-[Last name redacted]

The national president of Delta Gamma released a statement that the girl will be dealt with and punished accordingly and the letter in no way reflects their values.

First and foremost, it wasn’t stated that it was the Delta Gamma sorority of which the girl was a member.  Second, it has been now.

Oh, the shame!  I do feel sympathy for the members of that chapter, truly I do.  I was a member of a collegiate sorority, and while I never, ever heard anything like that directed at my sisters (or myself, fortunately), you have to believe that it was thought.  There are times when you have a large group of girls that everything will spiral down and move beyond catty into demon bitch.  It will happen.  Hopefully not to this extreme, and with any luck, hurt feelings will be cured with a talk, a hug and Penny Pitchers night.

But as a neutral third party with no skin in that game, I have to state the obvious:  it was just so funny!  It was like a train wreck!  Gruesome, with carnage everywhere but you just can’t look away!!  I wavered between “horrified” and “laughing myself sick”.

I’m sure you know where I fell more often than not.

by Jenny Posted on April 22, 2013
Posted in Just Awesome | 2 Comments

Race Day Recap – Iron Girl 2013

This was the race of 2012 that made me want to do more races.  This was my ego-boost, my PR, my reason for all this madness.

This was not, however, true for 2013.

I was less trained for this one, mainly because of work commitments which confined me to the house, so I couldn’t get a few last good runs in.  I’m also heavier than last year (ok, seriously?  How is that possible??), but I had been training for hills and felt that even though I didn’t get a good run in that week, I was ready.  I was definitely excited for it because it was my favorite race of last year.

Naturally, the weather decided to be a smart ass and get all Gasparilla on us.  Translation: it was hotter than last year and more humid.  That last part is surprising because at mile 12 last year, it started raining with a vengeance.  All things considered, I’ll take the rain.  At least it’s cooling.

Additionally, last year’s race only featured 2 bridges – up and over the Bellair Bridge and up and over the Sand Key bridge.  Both of those bridges are formidable in their own rights and it takes a lot of steam to push your way to the top, but the downhills are worth it.  This year’s route, however, featured the Causeway Bridge and the Sand Key bridge – twice.  Up and over on the way out, up and over on the way back.  Four bridges in total.

I am not in love with bridges right now.

Or humidity.  Or heat.  Or anything that’s taking my mojo and smashing it into the pavement.

I started with Michele and Yarisi and after I hit the top of the first bridge, managed to gasp to Michele to go on without me.  I never saw Yarisi again.  As per my usual, I’d started too fast so I was exhausted at mile 2 and struggled to recover.  At mile 3, our wonderful Run Tampa volunteers were manning (and womanning) the water station, and it was awesome to get high fives and encouragement from familiar faces (Kurt, Tori, Mark, Pat, Michael, Yariette and Flash) and a hug from Brandi (bless her – I was already a sweaty mess!).

The rest of the race was a struggle.  I couldn’t believe how slow I was running – when I could run.  There was a lot of walking that day, and I was furious with myself for it.  All I could think was “I’m not training hard enough!  I’m not eating well!  I have to cross train more! (or at all)”.  I passed Michele when she was at mile 8.25 and she didn’t look happy.  I later found out that right after that, she’d had a panic attack and I was mentally kicking myself again.  If only I’d stayed with her, I could have helped her!  Damn it for being so slow!

Once I hit the last bridge, I knew it was literally all downhill from there – finish the bridge into what Kurt calls the “spiral dismount” which launches you into the finish.  I felt the adrenaline surge and while I wanted to puke, I turned on the little I had left and sprinted to the finish.  I saw Coach Debbie right after I got my medal and hugged her.  Bad race or not, it was over, I had finished and I had another pretty medal to add to my collection.  As I left the chute, I saw Michele sitting on the grass with a few other RT friends, so I joined them and rested for a bit before we went in search of pancakes and fruit.

The consensus was that this was a rough race.  Everyone was feeling the effects of the heat, humidity and extra bridges.  As much as I wanted to keep beating myself up, I had to take those things into account.

Finish time: 2:39:24.  Not awesome, and 7 minutes slower than last year, but a bad finish beats a DNF any day, and a DNF will always beat a DNS.

(to those are totally confused, DNF means Did Not Finish and DNS means Did Not Start)

by Jenny Posted on April 22, 2013
Posted in Race Day Recap, Runner Girls rule, running, Things That Piss Me Off, What's With My Weight? | Leave a comment

Quality Time with Quinn

I’ve decided to start a new category dedicated to time I spend with my tween girl progeny.  She does and says things that often cause me to cry, snort and lose lots of mascara because she’s just so damn funny!

Last night, I had to take her to buy new shoes.  The following scenarios are from the time we left the house until we were almost home again.

At the gas station:  She is addicted to the LOL Pics app and finds the funniest things.  She’s also addicted to The Sims and has more expansion packs than the average bear.  She found a pic of a Sim sitting in a hot tub with his hands extended in a weird way.  “Mom, look at this picture. “Your eyes are saying ‘yes’, but your hands are saying ‘hospital’”.

In the mall: We struck out at Rack Room Shoes, so I suggested we try Dick’s Sporting Goods.  She starts snickering.  I told her she was too young to find that funny.  (God help me)

In Dick’s: She proceeds to untie the mannequins’ shoes because she just wanted to cause trouble. When I caught her in the act, she ran off like the cat does when she’s busted.

On the Macy’s escalator: She reached out and the wall of the down escalator touched her.  She loudly says “Don’t touch me, wall!  That’s child molestation!”

In Macy’s restroom:  I walk out of the stall and find her doing her Uncle Rico impression: quinn_unclerico

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Macy’s fragrance department, she proceeds to slightly adjust every bottle muttering to herself about things not being in order.  (FYI – she is in no way OCD about anything – this was strictly to amuse herself). pb_facepalm

 

 

 

 

 

Leaving Macy’s: I open the door by pulling the handle.  She announces, “I’m no peasant!  I make the door work for me!” and presses the handicap button.

gerard_facepalm

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting on the highway: She was texting her friend about why she needed new shoes (our cat Zoe the Vicious Puma peed on them) and I said because they smelled like cat pee.  From the backseat I hear “KatPISS Everdeen!”.  I about drove off the road.

katniss

 

 

 

 

I love hanging out with her because she’s so unpredictable, it keeps things very interesting.  And she likes cool music.

 

by Jenny Posted on April 17, 2013
Posted in From the Backseat, It's MY Blog For a Reason, Just Awesome, Quality Time with Quinn, Super Kids | 1 Comment

I am a Runner

“If you’re trying to defeat the human spirit, marathoners are the wrong group to target.” – Mighty Brighties (community of runners participating in the London Marathon)

You may recall that in an earlier post (as well as my “About Me”) that while I do run, and frequently, I’m hesitant to call myself a runner because it’s an insult to runners.  I’m not fast, it’s not as “in my blood” as some, and I don’t crave it, although I do love it.

I retract my statement.

I am a runner.

On April 15, 2013 in the middle of one of the greatest and most heralded traditions of my sport – the Boston Marathon – tragedy struck.  At 4:09 on the race clock, an explosion occurred just before the finish line, and 12 seconds later, another occurred.  Over 170 people were injured in this cowardly attack, and 3 people lost their lives.  One of those people was a darling 8 year old boy there to cheer his dad on as he finished.

His mom suffered head trauma.  His sister lost her lower legs.  He lost his life.  In the midst of what should have been celebratory elation at completing the oldest marathon in the world, his father instead was faced with grief, horror, and unimaginable pain.  The kind of pain that no ice bath, no ibuprofen, and no foam roller will take care of.

As a country, we felt the emotions we felt on 9/11, maybe to a smaller degree, but we felt it.  Our hearts went out to everyone in Boston, especially those at the marathon.  Prayers have been lifted en masse.

As a running community, we were heartbroken.  We worried incessantly about those we know, and showed concern for those we don’t know.  We thought about races we’d run and those we have scheduled.  We felt the elation and relief of the people that had already finished, and the sheer heartbreak and frustration of those who hadn’t crossed the finish line who were forced to stop.

That’s what we do.  Runners love other runners.  We yell for other runners, we cheer, we high-five, we celebrate.  We encourage other runners.  We want each other to succeed.  One person falls, many people stop.  We never leave someone behind.  We’re always told to run our own race, but we never run it alone.  Strangers become friends.  Friends become family.  You become part of a worldwide community of inside jokes, crude and inappropriate conversations, your own language, a far-too-in-depth knowledge of your running buddies’ bodily functions, injuries and maladies, and a huge collection of t-shirts.

Will the attack on Boston stop us from running?  Are you kidding?  We run against odds.  We run against our own bodies.  We run with blisters, shin splints, IT band issues, chafing and stomachaches.  We run against the voice in our heads telling us we have to stop.  We run in cold, heat, rain, snow.

And now?  We run to remember.  We run to show our support.  We run to honor the runners, the victims, and the people of Boston.

We run for each other.

And while I have not been initiated into the marathoner community yet (and I stress yet), my day is coming.  October 27, to be exact.  And I will run.  I will run for the gym teacher who told me to go back to class and stop wasting his time when I wanted to try again.  I’ll run to show my kids that with hard work and discipline, they can do anything they set their minds to.  I’ll run for everyone who ever told me I was crazy to do it.  I’ll run to make my husband, parents, family and friends proud of me.  I will run for my charity to support our service members who have made sacrifices for our freedom.  Most importantly, I will run for me.

And I will run to remember.

I am a runner.

by Jenny Posted on April 16, 2013
Posted in Runner Girls rule, running | Leave a comment